The Goddess Makes Me Worthy -“why Paganism?”

 

E-mail: bonniemann1@cox.net

As humans, we turn to affiliations and beliefs because they make us feel good about ourselves or that we feel it’s the right thing to do.  Personal spirituality is a quest for most of us and there are many ways to achieve it with no singular right way; its personal.

I was born into a family of Mormons and Presbyterians but raised in the Mormon church.  By the time I was fifteen, I decided to leave the church because of its narrow fundamentalist focus on the role of women.  I wanted more than to be pigeonholed into a role as wife and mother, and a second class citizen in the Mormon society.  Men held all church offices and women were relegated to a simple supportive function.  Next, I tried Catholicism.  I thought this was perhaps closer to God because the Catholic church dated back to St. Peter who was an apostle of Jesus Christ, and not a self proclaimed prophet of the Mormon church, Joseph Smith, who was much more recent.  The ritual and ceremony were nice, but I was no closer to a sense of spirituality than before.  I had to give up my life to serving the church and all worship was done through a priest.  I needed a more personal relationship with the creator.  I also had misgivings about God being male and made in the image of men and that women were taken from the rib of Adam to be a mate.  My heart just felt that this notion was not true.  I needed to search further.  My third attempt was with the Baptist church.  Needless to say, I was no further in my quest to seeking my spirituality than before.  Some of the Eastern religions held promise; Buddhism seemed like a good place to learn and I found that the promise of enlightenment coming from within a sound principle.  But I needed more.  For a while, I just gave up the search entirely and concentrated on the day-to-day business of living my life.  After a while, this became a very empty function.  I needed more.  I was always on the fringe of Paganism, but didn’t recognize it as such.  I lit candles, made wishes, honored the changing seasons, reveled in growing things, was curious about witchcraft and the ancient religion of my Scottish ancestors; when I say ancient religion, I mean before the Church of England, before Catholicism:  Pagans.  I began to read and absorb as much information as I could; talked to other Pagans and attended rituals.  What was this thing called Goddess?  Surely, there was something amiss with this because I’d been taught to worship God and Jesus Christ.  But, it felt right to feel the Goddess; feel the feminine in life and realize that it was a part of natural life.  God is not a single entity, but a duality of the female and male energy which allows for creation.  Paganism allows me to honor the balance of life in both a Goddess and a God.  Finally, something made sense and it connected in my heart and mind and felt right. Being a Pagan takes me back to my ancient heritage and allows me to resurrect a simpler more loving way of life.  But the most important part of being a Pagan is knowing that the female does not run second to anything or anyone.  The Goddess and the feminine has a place in life and nature and without her, there is nothing...no creation.  She makes me feel worthy.  I am energized by this new connection to deity and the creator and know that it’s a real part of me.  I feel the love and strength from this universal knowledge and it makes me whole.

I encourage all of you to keep searching, keep looking for that inner spirituality that resides inside us all.  If you find that Paganism, and creating a personal relationship with the Goddess and God is for you, I welcome you brother or sister, and Blessed Be.

 

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